Dreams and Other Alcohol Induced Situations
by Lisa Telramor
Summary: Something felt off...what happened last night? Where was he? And Kaito was sure last time he saw Hakuba he hadn't been pregnant.Crack, sort of mpreg, but not really... I have no excuse for this one.


AN: _It figures the first bit of writing inspiration I'd get in months it would be an Mpreg promppt from a kink meme. I don't even usually read mpreg... Whatever. It ended up being very cracky... I'm not sure I should own this since it's so weird..._

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><p>There was something strange going on, Kaito thought as he looked at the room he was in. He couldn't quite remember how he had gotten there. The room was small with a high window, a single cot pressed against the wall, and a door slightly ajar leading to a bathroom. Currently he was curled under a blue and green checkered blanket staring at the only other door in the room that presumably led outside.<p>

Memory check: okay, no he hadn't knocked himself out with his own sleeping gas again. He hadn't been on a heist…. What _had_ he been doing the night before? Kaito sat up, biting his lip. There was something off with the colors. The sunlight streaming from the window looked too bright, and the sky was…too blue, if that could be possible. Was he just imagining it? No, there was bird song, and the clock said eight, so he must have gone to sleep or something.

A knock interrupted his thoughts, and Kaito stared at the door. "Come in?" He didn't think the door was locked. It didn't even have a lock.

The knob turned, a rattle and shriek of metal revealing it as an old, well used door knob in need of replacement. "Kaito?" a familiar voice said.

"Hakuba?" Kaito stared at the door. Hakuba was looking around the edge looking annoyed, and he wondered what prank he must have done to earn him that expression. Wait…'Kaito?' Hakuba always referred to him as Kuroba. The hell?

Hakuba pushed open the door further and entered with his back to Kaito, closing the door. He swung back around when it clucked shut, releasing the knob with a rattle, and Kaito stared.

"Are you pregnant?" That was the only explanation Kaito could think of for the large bulge in Hakuba's front. "That's not even physically possible."

Calm as ever, Hakuba raised an eyebrow. "Apparently it is, since I am. And no, I am not sure how it became possible."

"Somebody slept with you?" Now it wasn't _that_ strange to think of Hakuba sleeping with someone…it was just Kaito couldn't think of him sleeping with a man. Ever. Hakuba liked Aoko last he checked. Or at least he thought he did. Seriously, what the hell?

For a moment Hakuba looked…hurt…then he sighed and walked—or rather waddled—across the room to sit on the bed next to him. "It figures you wouldn't remember."

"Remember what?"

"Sleeping with me."

"!" Something between a choke and a yelp escaped Kaito's lips as Hakuba looked at him seriously. "Y-you're joking, right? I think I'd remember sleeping with another man."

"Mm. I wasn't sure myself, but when I realized I was pregnant I thought back and I realized the only possibility was that one heist where you mixed up the sleeping gas with some other formula and it made us hallucinate. I woke up in the park with you draped over me and half naked. Since I didn't really feel too uncomfortable, I figured nothing must have happened, and since you never mentioned it…" Hakuba sighed, covering his face with his hand. "Why did you think I've been gone the last few months? I have been trying to find an explanation for this phenomenon."

Kaito gaped. Him and Hakuba? Seriously? O-kay. He did have a vague memory of waking up in his underwear at a park, but he didn't remember Hakuba factoring into that anywhere."You're sure it was me?"

"Kaito, I have my own lab. I did a DNA test."

"When did you get my DNA?" Kaito felt he was perfectly justified in feeling creeped out, even if Hakuba was giving him this weirdly disappointed look.

"Kaito, I have been in class with you and investigating you as KID, where do you think I got your genetic material? I took it off you in class." Hakuba rolled his eyes. Kaito found it annoying how he could pull the dry British voice out of nowhere. _With Hakuba? Really?_

"So why are you only telling me this now?" Because as far as Kaito knew even unnatural man-babies needed nine months to mature. Surely there would have been time _somewhere_ in all that for him to be informed of his impending fatherhood.

"I wasn't sure if it was possible at first, then I was looking for answers, then I decided I was going to keep it. I double checked that you were the father and then came to tell you. It was hard to find you by the way. Why are you in this hotel anyway?"

"I'm in a hotel?" Kaito looked out the window. Yup, he was on the tenth floor too, if he was estimating the distances properly. What were song birds doing up here? They were still chirping insistently. And when was everything going to start making sense?

"Ah." Hakuba's face twisted strangely. "Kaito."

"Wh-what?" Not liking the expression, Kaito slid away to the far end of the bed. Hakuba was sitting a bit too rigid with something between a grimace and confusion on his face.

"I think the baby's coming."

"_What?_" Kaito fell off the bed onto the wood floor and stared. As he watched, a fine tremor ran through Hakuba's body and he winced again.

"My back was hurting, but that happens a lot lately. It seems I must have gone into labor and the contractions have gotten stronger."

"Wouldn't you know? I mean doesn't your water break or something?" For once in his life, Kaito found himself panicking about something other than fish or Aoko's mop. He just never thought it would be about Hakuba giving birth.

"How would I know?" Hakuba snapped. "It's not like I have a comparison."

"I don't know how to deliver man-babies!" Kaito babbled.

"Well, I highly doubt anyone else knows either."

Kaito laughed hysterically. Figures Hakuba would be reasonable even as he went into labor. "What should I do?"

"Get me to a hospital? I don't think it's really possible for me to give birth. I don't exactly have a birth canal." Hakuba had one hand on his lower back, the other on his round belly, and a very displeased expression.

"I'm dreaming aren't I?" Kaito asked rhetorically.

"I don't know, are you? The pain feels real to me."

"I'll go get a doctor!" Kaito hoped he never saw Hakuba look at him quite so murderously again. The expression had gone from annoyed to liable to castrate him in seconds. He wondered if the hormonal shifts had messed Hakuba up, and how bad. Hopefully not murderous rage bad. "Wait here." He jumped up and ran for the door, only to trip and run head long into the wall.

Everything went fuzzy.

"Kuroba? Kuroba, are you okay?"

Was that Hakuba? Why was he calling him Kuroba? "'Kuba?"

"No, it's your mother. Who else were you expecting?"

Kaito opened his eyes and felt confused all over again. "Why am I in bed with you?"

"You don't remember?"

"No. And you aren't pregnant are you?"

Hakuba gave him one of his confused looks that said "I don't understand a word that comes from your mouth" and frowned. "Kuroba, I believe that's physically impossible as I am a male of our species."

"Good. I don't know how to deliver man-babies."

"…Do I even want to know?"

"No," Kaito said honestly. He looked around the room hoping for some explanation for why he just woke up next to Hakuba in a bed. A small bed. The room seemed to be a hotel room. There was the one bed, a desk with a chair, a small fridge, and a bathroom next to the bolted door. Experimentally, he reached out to Hakuba and pinched him, hard.

"Ow!" Hakuba swatted his hand away, scowling. "What are you doing? That hurt."

"Ok, so I guess I'm not dreaming this time."

"You're supposed to pinch yourself," the detective muttered rubbing the sore spot.

"Nah, that wouldn't be as fun." Kaito frowned and flopped back next to Hakuba who had yet to move from where he was stretched out in the bed. The motion made his shoulder bump into Hakuba's chest, and now that he thought about it, their legs were touching. At least he was still clothed. "Care to explain why we're here?"

"You really can't remember?" Hakuba looked both annoyed and amused. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Uh…Koizumi-san dragging us on a night out with Aoko? We got dinner and then she took us someplace to dance…"

"I take it everything after the alcohol got introduced is a blank."

"Yeah, wait, alcohol?"

"I believe Koizumi-san spiked our drinks despite my best efforts to keep our party equipped only with water."

Kaito turned on the bed to stare at Hakuba. He was a bit put off by how close this put their faces, but backing off would look like he was backing down from a challenge if he did. Hakuba had darker roots than his blond-brown hair gave away. "You didn't freak about the underage drinking?"

"Considering my drink was spiked at some point as well, it would have been a bit hypocritical," Hakuba said, shifting his weight so that his face wasn't quite so close. "By the time Koizumi-san was ready to move on to the next party the sun was starting to come up, you were drunk to the point of magicking nearby dancers' hair different colors, you couldn't sit straight let alone stand, and Aoko-kun had started dancing with her mop."

"How come you weren't affected?" Hakuba hadn't related anything embarrassing he had done. Kaito scowled. He was never spending a night out with Koizumi again. Why had he even agreed to it in the first place? Right, Aoko had begged him.

"Kuroba, I drink when I'm out with my parents at home. I have a higher alcohol tolerance than either you or Aoko-kun. Although I think Koizumi-san has all of us beat."

Kaito shuddered. He could believe that. "So why did we end up here? Where are Aoko and Koizumi?"

"Koizumi-san took Aoko home as she could actually still walk." Hakuba rolled his eyes. "You on the other hand draped yourself on me and clung tight. It was all I could do to walk down the street and get a cheap hotel room so we could sleep off our inebriation."

"You didn't try to take me home?"

"Kuroba, I might have a decent alcohol tolerance, but even I wasn't steady on my feet after last night. Besides, there was no way I was carrying you. I called your mother so she wouldn't worry though," he added in an afterthought.

"You have my home number?" Kaito looked at Hakuba's raised eyebrow and winced. "Right, stupid question. You were stalking me, of course you know."

"I wasn't stalking! It was investigating!" Hakuba sputtered, blushing. He had a very bright blush. Kaito couldn't help but laugh, even if it did make him come closer in contact with the detective.

"You should see your face right now." He grinned, not KID's devious smile, but an honest, open smile. "So, same bed?"

"It was that or the floor and I wasn't taking the floor." Hakuba shrugged. "I didn't want to deal with you complaining about bruises on top of a hangover as well."

"Hmm, apparently I didn't get a hangover."

"Lucky you."

"You did?"

Hakuba's glare was answer enough and Kaito laughed again.

"You know, I would have expected you to be more uncomfortable to crawl into bed with me," Kaito said in a teasing voice.

Hakuba blushed again, for a completely different reason. "Again, I wasn't taking the floor. It's not _that_ big of a deal, Kuroba."

"Mm. I just didn't expect it from you when you're so proper and _British_."

"What does my nationality have to do with anything?" The detective narrowed his eyes.

Kaito couldn't resist poking him in between his eyebrows where they bunched together in a scowl. "You don't like contact. If you think about it, I am far more touchy feely, 'kuba."

"Don't shorten my name."

"Or what, you'll bite me?"

"Maybe." Hakuba lunged forward to remove Kaito's hand from his face, but his leg was stuck in the blanket and he landed heavily on top of Kaito instead.

"Ow. Hey, get off!" Kaito pushed, and found himself face to face with a stricken Hakuba who didn't seem to know what to do. "Hakuba?"

"Uh."

Shoving again and not receiving a response, Kaito studied Hakuba's face. His eyes were a bit glazed over, and he was willing to bet it wasn't just from the hangover. His face was slowly becoming redder too. Hmm. Well, this was unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome. The pregnancy dream hadn't been the first one Kaito had had starring the British detective in a more than friendly manner. Hakuba didn't seem to be able to do anything about the situation, but Kaito supposed he could. Well, he had never expected to do anything about the occasional fantasies he had, but there was no harm in taking the chance when it was presented, right?

Closing the distance between them, Kaito kept eye contact, making sure Hakuba knew exactly what he was doing as he pressed his lips to the detective's. Hakuba's eyes grew impossibly wide for a second before fluttering closed as he kissed back. It was a strange feeling. Kaito had kissed quite a few people over his years as KID, but this was only the second time he had kissed a man (he didn't really like to think about the other time). He couldn't help but compare the kiss to when he had kissed Aoko. The detective kissed like he did everything, methodical, thorough, and testing with each pressure of lip or flick of tongue. It felt like he was trying to solve a puzzle in the kiss. Aoko had been warm and enthusiastic and inexperienced. Hakuba kissed like he had kissed before, but it had been a while. Kaito smiled into it. He couldn't help it. He should have expected a detective to kiss like it was a mystery to be solved. It was just….so Hakuba.

"What?" Hakuba asked. He pulled back a bit as Kaito started snickering beneath him. "What?" he repeated, sounding more nervous.

"Nothing," Kaito said grinning. He reached up and caught the ridiculous collared shirt that the Brit had worn even on a night out. He pulled Hakuba back into a kiss, this time taking control of the kiss.

It was spontaneous and energetic, like him, he supposed. You could tell a lot about a person in how they kissed.

Hakuba made a noise in the back of his throat, eyes closing again lost in the feeling. He jumped a bit when he felt Kaito's hand wander along his back, but then he kissed back and it was a battle of lips and tongue for dominance of the kiss. He found him smiling as well. They pulled back to breathe.

"Is this the lingering alcohol talking?" Hakuba asked breathlessly.

"No. I've thought about doing that for a while," Kaito admitted.

"Good. I would have hated for it to be due to hormones and lowered inhibitions." He licked his lips. "I also have considered…this." _And more_, Kaito heard.

"Care for more?" His voice came out huskier than he expected and Kaito did another mental check. He was okay with this. More than okay, he _wanted_ it, wanted Hakuba. And now that he was paying attention, he was more aroused than he thought. And so was Hakuba. Hmm. There was possibility in that, but he wasn't sure if he was willing to go past making out just yet.

"Please," Hakuba said back, just as hungrily. His head dipped back down. "How far are we going?" he asked, lips inches from Kaito's. He sounded slightly nervous, but it was pushed mostly to the side by the desire to keep kissing.

"Keep it above the waist?" Kaito asked. It seemed reasonable enough.

"Deal." Hakuba sealed his mouth over Kaito's again, this time in a slow, deep kiss that made Kaito groan when Hakuba ran his tongue along the roof of Kaito's mouth. It was erotic in a way he couldn't describe and it tickled. The whole thing was very nice, just….

There was a poof of smoke, and Hakuba found himself being straddled by a grinning magician.

"K-Kuroba!"

"What? I'm not going to stop."

The detective beneath him growled. "Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what? Be on top?"

"Turn the tables," Hakuba snapped. "But yes. That too."

"I just dislike being pinned down. I think we can compromise, hmm?" Kaito leaned down and licked Hakuba's earlobe like he had wanted to since he first noticed that his ears turned red when he blushed.

Hakuba jumped and let out a squeak. He opened his mouth to protest, then closed it. He could think of quite a few reasons for why Kaito wouldn't want to be pinned. He could also think of a few reasons why handcuffs would likely never be part of foreplay with them…at least not with Kaito in them. "Fine." He ran his hands up to touch Kaito's wild hair. It wasn't soft, but then it couldn't be very soft to stand up like it did in the back. It was thick and a bit prickly further down the magician's neck, but he liked the feeling.

"Mm. That feels nice…" Kaito would purr if he were a cat, but he settled for kissing more of Hakuba's neck instead. The detective had a spot in the middle of his neck that made him gasp when Kaito ran teeth over it lightly, and the sound went straight to his cock. They were both hard, but they were going to respect the decision not to go below the belt and politely ignore each other's…little problems.

"Kuroba if you don't stop and let me kiss you I'm going to bite you," Hakuba warned.

"Why Hakuba I didn't know you were into—mph!" Kaito decided he didn't mind that Hakuba was being bossy. If it meant he kissed like that…. Minutes passed, lost in the sensation of touch and taste. If someone had told him he would be making out with Hakuba yesterday, he'd have laughed it off as some kind of sick joke, but Kaito was enjoying this. It was a pity when his phone rang.

"Dang it." He pushed off of Hakuba a bit to glare at his cell phone.

"Might I enquire who is calling?" Hakuba asked, not quite managing his usual calm tone.

"It's Aoko. She's probably wondering what happened to us last night."

"Oh. We originally had plans to get breakfast with her didn't we?"

Kaito thought back to the night before. "Oh, right. She suggested that at dinner didn't she."

Hakuba sighed. "You should answer the phone."

The ringing stopped and there was a beep signaling a voice message. Kaito stared at the phone and waited. Sure enough, it started ringing again. "Fine." He pressed a button. "Moshi moshi."

"_Kaito you idiot, where are you? Your mom says you never came home last night! Is Hakuba-kun with you?"_ Aoko's voice blared out of the speaker sounding both furious and worried.

Kaito winced and held the phone a ways from his ear. "Yeah, he's here. We ended up staying at a hotel." He paused to listen to the more subdued answer as Hakuba watched. The detective couldn't help but be distracted by the mark on Kaito's collarbone that he had given him. If he wasn't sure that he had similar marks on his own neck, he would have felt embarrassed by such a visible sign of their earlier activities. "No," Kaito continued. "We just got up a little bit ago. Eh? … No I don't remember the restaurant you wanted to get breakfast at. And really, Aoko, neither of us have showered or have a change of clothes."

Something that sounded like _"But you promised…!" _ forced Kaito to hold the phone away from his ear again, wincing. "Of course. Yeah." Kaito sighed and rolled his eyes, glancing down at Hakuba as if he wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. "We'll make it a brunch. Meet you in an hour and a half." He pressed a button to hang up.

"Well?" Hakuba asked.

"We're still expected at the café near the movie theater. She agreed to move the time back though." He smiled. "So…want to continue, or should we be good boys and shower so that we're presentable when we go meet the girls?"

"Koizumi-san's coming?" Hakuba groaned. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. "We could still make it if we spent the next forty-seven minutes in bed."

"Forty-seven?"

"I am assuming you can take a quick shower. Five minutes, plus ten for making yourself presentable?"

"Hakuba, I could get ready in half that time, maybe even a quarter."

"Nice to know." Hakuba opened one eye. "Care to continue where we left off?"

A slow grin, resembling the one he wore as KID spread across Kaito's face. He leaned in for a kiss.


End file.
